Thursday, November 09, 2006

I found my sport.


The sport of Bush Diving is not for everyone.
Originally uploaded by lordog.

It's called bush diving. Apparently, I'm pretty good at it, so I thought I would share my technique. My secret is to drink excessive amounts of wine (for me, that means at least one bottle by myself). It is then important to find an appropriate bush. The bush must be strong enough to hold your weight, and not be too prickly (rose and blackberry bushes are out of the question). The trick is to have reached a level of intoxication that will allow you to ignore the fact that there are numerous spider webs scattered throughout your chosen bush. In fact, if enough wine is consumed, the spider webs will become invisible, and therefore will cease to be an issue. Once the bush is located, it is wise to throw an item into the bush to provide extra incentive. Obviously, the greater the value of the object, the more incentive there is to make the dive.

The dive itself will come easily if the above criteria are met. It is best to take the dive at a bit of a run, so the landing will be as dramatic as possible. Once in the bush, I personally enjoy writhing around a bit to ensure that my spectators (friends) get a good show. An attempt to recover the tossed object is optional, but recommended. Once you finally make your way out of the bush (or once you are pulled out by your friends), take a good sniff of your clothing. It should smell pine-fresh...Well, if you dive into a pine-y bush, that is.

So there you have it. Good luck, and let me know if you need any help with your first dive!